


everyone seems to leave bittersweet memories

by NepetaLeijon27



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica, 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Genre: AU is mostly the background stuff, Character Study, Grieving, Love Letters, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27974012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NepetaLeijon27/pseuds/NepetaLeijon27
Summary: ‘If you loved him so much, why did you do this?’
Relationships: Oguri Mushitarou & Yokomizo (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5
Collections: BSD Rarepair Secret Santa





	everyone seems to leave bittersweet memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lua](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lua/gifts).



When he gets home, something catches Oguri’s eye again.

‘That box…’ 

He thinks about it, then drops his stuff. ‘It doesn’t hurt to look through it again.’ With that, he picks up the box and dusts off the lid before taking it off. In the box is a large stash of letters on yellowed paper. His eyes read the words for the thousandth time, at least, it feels like that.

After going through five of them, Oguri sighs deeply. _When Yokomizo discovered these, he told me he liked them_ , he remembers. _But he never got to read all of them_. He shakes his head and closes his eyes. _No, Mushitarou. Think about something else_. _Don’t think about the bad times_. _Think about the good times_.

But as he opens his eyes, he flinches. The entire room has disappeared, suddenly having made place for a seemingly endless field of grey mist. 

‘What the…’ 

He frowns, and looks around, hoping to see something back. 

‘ **Going down a trip down memory lane again, I see**.’

Oguri turns around to the source of that voice, which is eerily similar to his own. ‘You’re...me?’ He is standing in front of a shadowy copy of himself. In a rush of an instinct, he transforms. 

‘ **Hey, hey, no need to get so defensive**.’, it speaks. ‘ **I’m not going to attack you**.’ 

‘Then, what are you doing here?’, Oguri crosses his arms. ‘And where’s my house?’

The copy smiles. ‘ **How funny, I was wondering the same. Why were you reading those old love letters again**?’

He rolls his eyes. ‘They’re one of the few tangible things I’ve got left of Yokomizo. I shouldn’t leave them to collect any more dust than there’s already on them, right?’

‘ **You’re trying to ignore that you killed him, I get it**. **Why are you tormenting yourself with the memory of him**?’

‘I’m not!’, he shouts. ‘I still think back on him with fondness. Of course, I’m still sad about how things went. But how could I ever want to forget the only love I’ve ever known in my life?’

‘ **Because the thing you did was horrid**!’, the copy also raises its voice. ‘ **If you loved him so much, why did you do this**?’

Oguri starts to lose his patience. ‘Because I was doing him a _favor_!’, he explains. ‘I can’t believe that you can’t understand something so basic. Yokomizo wanted me to kill him, in order to let the mystery remain! If...if I didn’t kill him, then…’

‘ **...then he’d still be alive, at your side, reciprocating your feelings** .’, the copy finishes the sentence for him. ‘ _ ** _That_**_ **is the truth** _.’_

‘You’re lying.’, Oguri sighs in frustration. ‘Yokomizo would be absolutely devastated if I didn’t kill him. He’d be disappointed in me.’

‘ **Then, you’d just change the situation yourself**.’, The copy is remarkably unfazed by everything Oguri says. ‘ **It’s not that hard**.’

Oguri lets out a very long and deep growl. ‘And why would I want _that_?’

‘ **Come on, work a little with me here**. **You wished to undo what just happened right after you killed him**. **Right then, you also didn’t want that you had to kill him**.’

‘Are you blind?’, he shouts again. ‘It didn’t actually bring him back to life, because I didn’t truly want that! When I made that wish, I was panicking, I couldn’t find the words! That is why it only erased all evidence that he died and that I did it, can’t you see?’

The copy pretends to be hurt. ‘ **My, my**.’, it mumbles. ‘ **Here’s the real Oguri speaking**. **You don’t want to focus on his death, and instead think of everything else you had with Yokomizo**.’

‘That...is true.’, He has to admit that what it says is true, but starts to realize it was saying those provoking things to get him to this point. ‘But what’s wrong with that? It’s not like I’m pretending his death never happened.’ 

‘ **Oh man**. **I was hoping you got my point**. **But, alas**.’, it shrugs. ‘ **This is not about what you should remember Yokomizo for anymore**. **Remembering is okay**. **It’s about that Yokomizo is now in the past and you should move on**.’

 _You should have said that about five minutes ago_ , Oguri thinks, but doesn’t mention it outright. ‘Is thinking back at your first love that bad?’

‘ **Not per say**.’, the copy doesn’t change its expression. ‘ **Like I said, it’s in the past, you can’t change it, and he was the only love you have ever known**. **Why can’t you accept that**?’

Oguri shrugs. ‘I already have, dude.’

‘ **Why are you spitting out lie after lie**?’, the copy points at him. ‘ **You are still grieving, but you don’t think you are**. **I’ve seen you breaking down all those times, and pretending everything was fine afterwards**. **I just want you to stop lying to yourself, and to me**. **That is all**.’

He doesn’t quite know what to do with that information, and decides to deviate from the topic. ‘...can I now please know who you are?’

The copy pauses. ‘ **I’m part of you**. **Everything I’ve been saying has went through you at least once**.’

‘It...has…?’, Oguri needs a moment to think about that. ‘Something - you - inside me wanted to move on and forget Yokomizo?’

‘ **I never said that last thing**.’, the copy says. ‘ **You can move on and not forget about him**.’

He moves his hand to the Soul Gem on the collar of his outfit. ‘You say that as if you know how to. But I don’t know how to. And you also don’t know how to.’ He remembers how madly in love he was with Yokomizo back when he was still there, and despite his death happening, he still feels the same as he did.

‘ **You need help, Mushitarou**. **Not from me**. **From someone else**. **You need to tell this to someone who knows you to start**. **Telling it and letting it out helps**. **This, what you are doing now, is hurting you, so it is also hurting me**.’

Oguri takes a deep breath and looks at the ground. ‘You...are right.’

For the first time since it appeared in front of him, the copy cracks a smile. ‘ **Promise me that you’ll do something with it, okay**?’

Then, he looks up. ‘I will. I promise.’

‘ **I’ve said everything I wanted to say**.’, the copy holds up its hands. ‘ **So that’s my cue to leave, I guess**.’

‘You’re…’

‘ **Don’t worry**. **I’ll still be there**. **After all, I’m part of you**.’

Before Oguri can say something else, the copy disappears. The grey mist fades away and as he looks around, the love letters are still in front of him.

‘What was that…’

He needs a bit of time to process all of that, but he gets himself together not long after. ‘That was certainly real.’ 

Then, Oguri stands up, not continuing his rereading of the love letters. Instead, he opens a drawer, and picks up his phone. He goes through his contacts, and stops once he gets to the エ. ‘I still have it…’ He then dials the number and then sees the name on the screen. 

江戸川乱歩


End file.
